We Three Kings of Orient

Characters:

Kings: They are playing the part of secret agents looking for Jesus. They are currently in Jerusalem.

• Red Eagle - trying desperately to be professional - but failing
• Ominous Gold Fish - dazed and not with it
• Hyperbolic Parabaloid - Very very serious but secretly very scared

King Herod - over the top and very loud

Passer By (called Gerald) - the over excited fan type.

Narrator - very dramatic

Red Eagle- Red eagle to... whats your code name again?

Ominous Goldfish - Ominous Goldfish

RE - Seriously?

OG- Yes. Start again.

RE- Ok, Red Eagle to...

OG – Om – in – ous.

RE- Nevermind, doesn’t matter. I have a lead!

OG – A lead? Why do you need that? I thought we were looking for the new king of the Jews!?

RE – What?! We are! And shhh!

Hyperbolic Paraboloid- Put down the lead and stop messing around.

RE- Ahhh! Never mind. You see that man – by the cash machine?

HP – that’s me you idiot!

RE – No – the other side.

(HP turns to see king Herod. Pulles a scared face and composes himself into a dead pan expression)

HP – Yes - I see him.

RE – that’s King Herod! (HP pulls scared face again) We have to get to him without being noticed!

Passer by called Gerald – Hey there – aren’t you one of those kings of ‘Orient are’?

RE – what!?

Gerald – Y’know – with the Myrrh and Gold and stuff! On the scooter beeping the hooter?

RE – No idea what your on about.

Gerald – ‘Course you do! You’re here to find the new King of the Jews.

Herod –(melodramatically) KING OF THE JEWS!!!??

RE – Oh dear

Herod – (even more over-the-topley) KING OF THE JEWS! Why was I not informed of this!? Who are you – who are you with?

(HP and OG jump up)

OG – Agent 54 – Ominous Goldfish!

HP – Agent 47 – Hyperbolic Paraboloid

RE – Yes yes – Red eagle – three kings of Orient –

OG – Are.

Gerald – I knew it! Hahaha – I’m good.

HP – we’re on a mission

RE – to find the new king of the Jews who is to be born in Bethlehem.

OG- We followed a star – twas shiny.

(Herod looks outraged. He makes a move to speak – stops – then forces a smile)

Herod - Well, wow. When you find him – tell me. I would love to come and ... worship him.

(leaves stage – giving evils to audience)

RE – so...

HP – So...

OG – Star – thadda way!

(they exit stage)

PART TWO

Narrator - Hello audience!! Now - our wise(ish) men have been traveling for days and nights, nights and days - and even in the bits in the middle which tend to be called Morning and evening. They have been to see Jesus! And now - their just about to leave...(They enter)

RE – well that was fantastic!

OG – He was soooo cute!

HP – That doesn't really matter though. Stop making it a cushy nice story – cant you see he's going to change the world forever?

RE – Well how do you know that?

OG – Spidey Senses?

(Gerald runs on stage)

Gerald – I knew it! Your spider man too!

HP – NO! I just know these things. (RE+OG look unconvinced) I had a dream – I believe God told me to take a different way back home.

(For a moment RE+OG look serious- then burst out laughing.)

HP – I'm serious!

OG – I'm laughing!

HP – What!? Well stop! If we go back the way we came, we will have to tell Herod where the boy is and he will kill him.

(RE+OG stop laughing)

OG – But – that's disobeying the King.

HP – How much more important is God then Herod?

OG- Very

HP – Then who should we follow

(pause)

OG – The star?

RE – No – we've already done that.

HP- (impatiently)God!

RE – No need to blaspheme!

HP- No, God! We follow God because he know what he's doing. Which is more then what can be said for us.

RE – Oi! Well – If your sure. I guess we'll go the long way then. At least we have jet packs.

OG – They haven't been invented yet

RE – Seriously!

OG – Yes.

RE – Fine – lets go.