Characters:
Kings: They are playing the part of secret agents looking for Jesus. They are currently in Jerusalem.
- Red Eagle - trying desperately to be professional - but failing
- Ominous Gold Fish - dazed and not with it
- Hyperbolic Parabaloid - Very very serious but secretly very scared
King Herod - over the top and very loud
Passer By (called Gerald) - the over excited fan type.
Narrator - very dramatic
Red Eagle- Red eagle to... whats your code name again?
Ominous Goldfish - Ominous Goldfish
RE - Seriously?
OG- Yes. Start again.
RE- Ok, Red Eagle to...
OG – Om – in – ous.
RE- Nevermind, doesn’t matter. I have a lead!
OG – A lead? Why do you need that? I thought we were looking for the new king of the Jews!?
RE – What?! We are! And shhh!
Hyperbolic Paraboloid- Put down the lead and stop messing around.
RE- Ahhh! Never mind. You see that man – by the cash machine?
HP – that’s me you idiot!
RE – No – the other side.
(HP turns to see king Herod. Pulles a scared face and composes himself into a dead pan expression)
HP – Yes - I see him.
RE – that’s King Herod! (HP pulls scared face again) We have to get to him without being noticed!
Passer by called Gerald – Hey there – aren’t you one of those kings of ‘Orient are’?
RE – what!?
Gerald – Y’know – with the Myrrh and Gold and stuff! On the scooter beeping the hooter?
RE – No idea what your on about.
Gerald – ‘Course you do! You’re here to find the new King of the Jews.
Herod –(melodramatically) KING OF THE JEWS!!!??
RE – Oh dear
Herod – (even more over-the-topley) KING OF THE JEWS! Why was I not informed of this!? Who are you – who are you with?
(HP and OG jump up)
OG – Agent 54 – Ominous Goldfish!
HP – Agent 47 – Hyperbolic Paraboloid
RE – Yes yes – Red eagle – three kings of Orient –
OG – Are.
Gerald – I knew it! Hahaha – I’m good.
HP – we’re on a mission
RE – to find the new king of the Jews who is to be born in Bethlehem.
OG- We followed a star – twas shiny.
(Herod looks outraged. He makes a move to speak – stops – then forces a smile)
Herod - Well, wow. When you find him – tell me. I would love to come and ... worship him.
(leaves stage – giving evils to audience)
RE – so...
HP – So...
OG – Star – thadda way!
(they exit stage)
PART TWO
Narrator - Hello audience!! Now - our wise(ish) men have been traveling for days and nights, nights and days - and even in the bits in the middle which tend to be called Morning and evening. They have been to see Jesus! And now - their just about to leave...(They enter)
RE – well that was fantastic!
OG – He was soooo cute!
HP – That doesn't really matter though. Stop making it a cushy nice story – cant you see he's going to change the world forever?
RE – Well how do you know that?
OG – Spidey Senses?
(Gerald runs on stage)
Gerald – I knew it! Your spider man too!
HP – NO! I just know these things. (RE+OG look unconvinced) I had a dream – I believe God told me to take a different way back home.
(For a moment RE+OG look serious- then burst out laughing.)
HP – I'm serious!
OG – I'm laughing!
HP – What!? Well stop! If we go back the way we came, we will have to tell Herod where the boy is and he will kill him.
(RE+OG stop laughing)
OG – But – that's disobeying the King.
HP – How much more important is God then Herod?
OG- Very
HP – Then who should we follow
(pause)
OG – The star?
RE – No – we've already done that.
HP- (impatiently)God!
RE – No need to blaspheme!
HP- No, God! We follow God because he know what he's doing. Which is more then what can be said for us.
RE – Oi! Well – If your sure. I guess we'll go the long way then. At least we have jet packs.
OG – They haven't been invented yet
RE – Seriously!
OG – Yes.
RE – Fine – lets go.
